Being kind to ourselves.

May 2021 has very much focussed on kindness, understanding ourselves and each other. Not only have we had Mental Health Awareness week, but also Dementia Awareness week.

Here at Sensory Philosophy we believe that if you don’t look after yourself you are not in a good position to look after others.

Being aware of others’ needs requires presence, empathy and the art of ‘noticing’. Noticing what is being said, what is heard, what is seen and felt are all important in picking up signals and stepping into others shoes, in order to best provide support.

All of these skills take a conscious effort and require presence in that moment of connection with those around you. Being kind to yourself, taking time out to care for yourself means you are more able to support and care for others.

Here in the SP community we recognise that there are many of us who have been affected by the issues arising from mental health. Whether it’s ourselves, our friends, our family. Creating space for yourselves is the very first step in being able to better support those we love.

Here we share our personal journeys to understanding ourselves, in order to give our best to others..

Michèle 

My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in her early 60s. At a point where, in my life, I was juggling two young children and a developing career as a teacher. Suddenly my life was compartmentalised even more into how to support my parents as well as be a good mother, wife and everything else I chose to put on my shoulders.
It was difficult to watch my mother decline into another world where she became a stranger. All the confidences I’d hoped to share, all the emotional support and stories she could have offered in return evaporated into the ether. I turned in on myself and struggled not wishing to ask for support from anyone. I needed to cope. That was my role. The strong one in the family.
All too soon I realised I had to adopt a different strategy or risk being consumed by all the emotion and stresses of watching a parent who was vibrant, dynamic and sociable decline into a stranger.
Taking time out for myself felt selfish as I watched my father struggling 24/7 with my mother. I needed to be strong but also to be kind to myself whilst doing so. And then I discovered the art, and underlying science, of stepping onto the balcony. Me watching me down below.

Detaching myself from the stresses and strains of the emotional situation I found myself in worked well.
All too soon I discovered it enabled me to view personal situations much more objectively. Observing me from the balcony gave me the space to explore alternative solutions to the previously impossible situations I found myself in. It is a strategy I continue to use today.

Amelia

Recognising when I needed to take care of my mental health is something I’ve not always done well. I used to deny that I needed to take a break and would plough on, pushing the voice in my head aside when it'd say 'slow down!'. I'd cram so much into my diary that I'd end up cancelling things because I simply could not do it all, and then felt awful guilt for letting others down.

Now when I politely decline invites, I do so because I know when I’ve added enough to my plate. It’s not an easy thing to do because I also battle with the fear of missing out. However, I know that with a quiet day pencilled in here and there, I will treasure time spent with friends and family all the more.

I look at others who have packed calendars, who dash from here to there, and I am seriously envious of their boundless energy! But I now recognise that’s simply not me. I want to do all those things but I know, and am at peace with the fact that actually, I sometimes need to be at home with a cuppa, a slab of my favourite chocolate, a good book or a few episodes of Friends! For me, taking time out (and not feeling guilty about it) is my mental health medicine.